And then, as fast as it began, the interaction is over in the blink of an eye. While it’s a natural reaction to take the brush-off personally, there are often other issues that kept her from committing to a cup of coffee or dinner and a movie.The rejection isn’t always personal and might be for reasons beyond your control.The two pick at their dinner salads, staring down at the leafy mound before them. Finally, one of them tries to grease the wheels of conversation. The process begins by providing lots of space for the full expression of information and asking follow-up questions to further draw out the one talking. Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. They ask personal or sensitive questions that put the other person on the defensive. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent.
When it comes to dating, it seems you can find hundreds of thousands of websites, books, and people offering their tips and advice.They scan the room, menu, and table setting, only occasionally making eye contact. Either way, it’s exciting to be able to get to know another human being and get a peek into his or her world. Biggest clue of all: The salad course is punctuated by strained silence and forced small talk. Great communication starts with being genuinely interested in the individual you’re with and paying close attention to what he/she says. The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. But some people, overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, go too far too fast. This is torture.” She thinks, “Why doesn’t he ask me any questions? But the ability to speak is only one part of the equation—and not the most important part.